PERFECT
climb reluctantly out of bed in the dark leaving warm restless groping toddler
get out the sippy cups water glasses plates of breakfast lunchboxes packed the day before
feed the cats and the last, lone fish, put the water on to boil and turn on Pooh
wake everyone kindly, cheerfully, lead them to breakfast, bring them clean clothes
(brush your teeth make the bed drink a cup of instant brush your hair put on makeup
because neat hair some makeup decent clothes are all that slow the downward slide)
dress two out of three, change a diaper, brush three heads of glorious long curly snarly hair
wedge shoes on feet backpacks and lunchboxes into reluctant hands, change a diaper again,
and out the door before the hour turns or we’ll be too late for parking at school
(breathe)
five and a half hours to go to the bakery for more breakfast to the store for more juice
to the bank pay the rent take the cats to the vet, take out the trash and recycling (every day!)
wash and dry and fold and put away the endless rounds of laundry, change litter boxes
wash the breakfast dishes and the sippy cups with the nooks that trap mold
work at the one job that pays, if there’s work to be had, vacuum the carpets clean the sinks
the toilets the sticky floors and every few weeks shampoo the carpets to defeat the smell
of cat pee (so old, I love her, so old, she’s sick on the floors every day, she can’t remember
where she’s supposed to pee --- never be angry, stop and love her, brush her matted fur
and give her a moment’s kindness between naps in the sun, there won’t be many times left)
try to exercise 20 minutes a day try to meditate that long, too, and for the love of god
at LEAST take a shower and wash your hair, then pour clean sippy cups and hurry
or you won’t be in time to park where your absent-minded son will see you after school
gather in one, another, a third, ask “how was your day?” and mean it, and listen,
and home to pack lunches, shepherd homework, change a diaper, make something
anything they might eat (but it has to be healthy, lean, include fruits) and try
(often in vain) to find something you can eat without guilt, feed the cats again
sit with the chldren and watch kid tv for an hour, stopping in the middle for “Jammies and Teeth!”
and herd everyone to bed, read a story (be fair, Mommy! you read his story last night)
and give a few minutes until lights-out, change another diaper, wash the dinner dishes
adjudicate the normal endless hair pulling slapping scratching name calling sibling tumult
and keep trying to reconcile the rescued cat to the cat tribe’s dominant yowler
(an act of compassion saved her, but it takes endless acts of patience to mould a family)
try to get defiant toddler to sleep, if even for a few hours, in her own bed (I want ours back)
(breathe)
answer email from friends write to my dearest friend my better self my husband (stolen)
tell him about the day, the children, the loose tooth, the art prize, the books read
upload and resize and save and caption photos from the day to send him, let him know
that he is still present vibrant engaged and always Papi, give him a window on our day
and never never NEVER say how hard it is to the warrior who can’t stand to see me in pain
never cry where the children will know (I am the only pillar holding up the sky, for now)
never lose your patience raise your voice yell scold say “be quiet! please, I just need some quiet!”
never complain, there are so many other women standing against the same flood
don’t drink too many glasses of wine don’t eat after 9:00 don’t falter don’t
…fall asleep on the couch
do what you can
no one is perfect